Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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