I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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