i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
