I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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