If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
