is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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