My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
