I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
