I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
