he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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