Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
