I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
