I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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