her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize