thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
