grandma shit on top of the toilet
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
