My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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