I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
