Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize