After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
