Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
