why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
