Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
