i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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