Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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