she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize