he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well you can't waste a boner
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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