so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
