Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
