I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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