I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
