You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
