I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
