she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
