i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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