dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
