I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
