he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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