We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
