I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
