so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
