You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
