I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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