we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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