Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
