i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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