yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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