so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
