we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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