So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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