I wish they made helmets for livers.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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