do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize