The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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