Don't you send me to vm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
