Sponge bath it is.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
