Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
