i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
