Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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