im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
