yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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