How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
