He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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