Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize