Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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