Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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