She just used a chaser for red wine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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