i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
