I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
