I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The air taste purple.
Randomize