that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
