im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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