It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
