Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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