I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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