My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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