She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
