she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
