He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize