Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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