he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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