So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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