I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Randomize
