The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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