I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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