i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
