but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
