His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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